Hmmm, not been "working the borderline" much of late, as I've had my mind on other things. But there comes a time where we must forget all of the distractions and concentrate on what's really important.
I have a problem: I need to find somewhere new to live; however I'm currently unable to do it on my own as I'm too nervous in front of strangers. What "friends" I had have drifted away over the years, due largely to the fact that I never really connected with any of them. So basically I've got no-one to help me out, and I need someone to help me out. With all other options exhausted, I've been left with no choice but to swallow my pride and apply for a befriending scheme. Don't know if you have befriending schemes in the US but I assume you know what they are, as the concepts of "befriender" and "befriendee" are pretty self-explanatory. Befrienders are people that don't have to do this; befriendees are people that do. It's not exactly one in the eye for the class system, but the erstwhile class warrior in me will have to pipe down and listen to what my nerves are saying. Because my nerves are telling me that if I tried to do this alone, I'd fuck it up. I'd get scared in front of prospective landlords, and give them a reason not to take me as a tenant. So I need someone to hold my hand. Responsible, huh?
Thing is, I'll probably slip through the net the way I always have. I don't have a psychiatrist, social worker or community health worker. I haven't even got a proper diagnosis..."somewhere between aspergers and schizotypal and neurological and depressive" doesn't really count. It'll probably take months to get a befriender assigned to me, and I need to move like NOW! So I'm kinda working on the assumption that the whole thing's gonna fall through anyway, and I'll be left with no choice but to do it on my own. Happy days!
Actually, there's another reason I haven't blogged much recently. I have a handful of regular readers, and occasional traffic from blog directories, and I was getting the feeling that none of you have really warmed to me yet. Sometimes I just need to go away and question what I'm doing wrong, y'know? Not that it'll yield many answers!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I hope you find someone to go see landlords with. I'm Schizotypal and I get the same thing when talking to strangers, I have to go to the friggin' doctors tomorrow but luckily I have my brother to come along with me (although since I've described to him what a panic attack feels like, he's started to get them too. So who knows how much help he'll be tomorrow)
Hey thankyou for your comment and your concern. I think what I need to do is try and build a support network around me, as right now I feel very alone and vulnerable. My big fear is that if I move, my new landlord will recognise that I have a disorder and kick me out on the street. Where I live right now is a hellhole, but at least there's no imminent danger of being kicked out.
I'm always careful about describing panic attacks to others in case it triggers them. This is especially true on depression sites and forums, as people there tend to be very fragile. But it is also true of family as there may be something hereditary going on. I can sense my little sister going the same way and it breaks my heart. But don't feel bad about your brother having panic attacks, because if he has that tendency then something would have triggered him sooner or later.
Anyway, hope the doctor's appointment went well. I have to go see mine tomorrow and I'm always agitated, but she's very understanding so that's good.
Post a Comment