Tuesday 8 May 2007

Manning The Station

A good day today. Held my nerve and composure when things could've gone seriously awry. It's not good when you're unstable and you know you're unstable, but it feels so damn good to stay on top of it. It's reaffirming; gives you a feeling of power over yourself, which is a precious thing when it happens all too infrequently.

I really can't articulate this any better right now. I could if I wanted to, but I don't want to think. And I am currently reading some beautiful mental health blogs which make my feeble efforts look rather less than beautiful. If I were to think right now, I would think about why beauty is such an alien concept to me.

"Because you're thinking", is probably the answer to that one. I think, therefore I don't feel. Cogito ergo something-or-other.

Oh and somebody remind me to read more. These people read books and it makes them better people than I am. Fact. And fiction.

Come on now, don't spoil a good day...

2 comments:

nadcesca said...

"... Therefore I do not exist" ! That is a common thing we share. I hate myself also when I see my self struggling on little stuff just like you. Reading help me alot. But that is cause I want to be better. Always looking for new coping skill! Hang in there one day you will find yourself.

I'm Janna. said...

I know that feeling as well. When I want to write, I can't. When I want to sleep, I have ideas to write. It can really suck. But don't give up! It's awesome to see others blogging about their bdp as well so hopefully these blogs will reach others and help people to understand that mental illness is no different from physical illness. At least, that's what I hope for.